Shopping

I have to be the only woman I know who hates to go shopping for clothes. Really - I despise it. I hate shopping for "home furnishings" as well. I wish I had the money to pay somebody to just come in and "design" my rooms. I'm clueless. But clothes shopping has to be the worst.

I had to go shopping today for a dress to wear to a wedding next week. I seriously considered cancelling going to the wedding, and just giving her a cheque as a gift that would cover our dinner. Ever since I gained weight, I have no idea of how to dress. I go for comfortable these days - I'm tired of sucking in my stomach!

I like that television show "How Not to Dress". They TEACH them how to dress and then give them money to go out and buy. Well, I'd hate the going out to buy part. Trying on clothes pisses me off. It's too long, it's too short, it's too loose, it's too tight, my God that colour looks terrible on me, sleeves, no sleeves, clingy (let's not even go there!), it just goes on and on.

You take off your clothes and try something on, then you come out in your fancy dress that makes you look like a pumpkin, with your bobby socks and running shoes and try to imagine how you're going to feel wearing the dress at a special occasion.

Then there's the salespeople - they alternate between incompetent and disinterested or they tell you everything looks good and you feel like screaming "Are you a moron? There's mirrors here, I can see what I look like." Liposuction starts to feel like a sensible choice. We improve the look with body slimmers (let's face it, they're just really tight elastic you squeeze your body into and hope you never have to pee) and high heels (as if they're going to not hurt after an hour of dancing). I might look okay if I don't turn sideways and see what my profile really looks like.

I know the answer - lose weight. I'm on the cusp of regular size and fat lady clothes. Even the smallest size at Pennington's or Addition-Elle's is often too big for me, but the same size at a regular store is probably too small. They way I'm treated in each store is only slightly amusing. At regular stores, I'm treated with disdain - like how dare I think that I can fit any of their fabulous clothes, while at the fat lady stores - oops, I mean Pennington's, the large ladies that work there would rather help other really large ladies and think I'm just there to make them feel bad.

I'm going to check out the cost of having my clothes made for me - either that or learn to sew. There has to be a better way to find clothes. I am so tired of marching into malls and stores, Visa card in hand, ready to SPEND, only to leave empty handed two hours later. Most woman love that whole experience - going from store to store, trying on tons of clothes, buying nothing. I hate it. When I go shopping it's because I HAVE to, I have no choice. Either that or stop going out in public.

That's starting to be an attractive alternative.

This work by Suzette Leeming is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Canada License.